We’re Still Here
We’re Still Here
It’s funny, but because of the services we provide linked to managing our mental wellbeing, many people presumed that we, the Impact team, would naturally know what to do to keep ourselves healthy and well this year.
We thought so too but it wasn’t the case at all!
The harsh reality for the team this year has been very different to other people’s expectation of us.
It actually took several months for Jackie (Director & Facilitator) and me to have a very honest discussion early in the summer about how our tried and tested wellbeing practices were simply not doing the job in helping us through a very scary time in our lives.
Why? The answer came after an extremely compassionate and honest talk about the emotions we too were experiencing during the first half of this year and our combined and separate struggles to cope with uncertainty.
The answer surprisingly appeared as a question ‘What would we normally do to keep ourselves well during a Global Pandemic?’ As soon as we realised, we couldn’t answer, we strangely found the answer!
As neither of us had ever been through a pandemic, why did we then think that we would have the ‘right’ wellbeing tools and practices?
It was quite a revelation to reach this ‘eureka’ moment and once we had allowed this knowledge to sink in, we both started to feel differently about how we were managing, how we were feeling and what the possibilities and opportunities might be for us to try something new to help ourselves!
So, if you have been hard on yourself for not doing better than you think you should, ask yourself – when was the last time you went through a Global Pandemic?
This message arrived just after I had a proper Old Skool Bawl at hearing the news that Bedfordshire is now entering Tier 3. I wasn’t crying because I thought I ‘couldn’t’ cope with it, after all, in the previous lockdowns, I found some comfort in not being out & about, not needing an ‘outdoor’ public face to wear, (nothing to do with make up, just the usual anxiety issues).
No, this time feels different. Heavier. A weight placed on me, a burden to carry around, whereas before, I could slip into worry and panic but had the tools from Impact to pull myself back up the side of the bucket, even if sometimes I couldn’t actually peek over the top.
I’m wondering what the difference is between this time and then.
Maybe because I’ve hoped, willed, prayed, begged with every atom of my being for the virus to just disappear. (I won’t say C***d, I don’t want its name dirtying my words, for me C***d is The New C Word), maybe I feel my silent pleading has all been pointless, that I wasn’t listened to by any higher being, a guardian, a universal saviour or God to believe in, whichever we choose.
Or maybe it’s because I’m so frustrated & angry with people not following the rules, set out to help us keep safe, not wearing a simple mask, not remaining distanced from others, maybe it’s because I feel the powers that be have mis-managed much of the situation from the beginning. But it’s easy with hindsight to fall into pointless judgment. Any government would have struggled with something so vast and mostly unknown.
Maybe, it’s just the sheer onslaught of seeing, reading, knowing of the virus 24/7, dominating conversations, no respite in sight, the worry about family & loved ones, the fear of illness, the shadow that lurks. Even now, in the face of vaccines now becoming available, the roll out programme problematic already, the anti-vaxers, the cynical and the impatient, a swirling pot of worried humanity.
When will we have peace? And safety?
Maybe it’s all of these. And more.
But one thing I’m so grateful for is the honesty in your message, Deanne, that you, yes, even you and Jackie, our brilliant, spirited, strong, pioneering, totally fabulous, insightful, driven, beacons of light & hope, true Goddesses , don’t always have the answers.
And yet, in saying that – you do, because ‘Not knowing’ is still an ‘awareness’, & with awareness, we are open to learning, open to guiding, open to recognising that we need to help each other to continue forward, and as you’ve already said, not to be hard on ourselves. This is a first for all of us.
Thank you x