I’m writing this whilst on a bus journey, something I have got quite used to in the past 40-odd years. Even though I got my provisional driving licence when I turned 17, my life never quite presented me with the opportunity to make use of it, beyond the occasional ID requirements!

However, a recent legacy of my late sister left me with an offer I couldn’t refuse: her car! So, after decades of procrastination and set-backs leaving me emotionally, socially, professionally and mentally unable to cope with such a task, at the beginning of this year I took the plunge and booked lessons.

What was different this time that allowed me to take such action for the first time in my life? Ok, I had the chance to fulfil my sister’s wishes and make a little sense of her passing. Then there was a year-plus of Impact techniques learnt and practiced, to aid and support me in coping with something I doubt I would’ve ever achieved a short time ago.

So, I was able to set myself a long-term goal, plan the steps and short term goals to set me on the path to learning. I worked out what was important and what could be avoided, after all the future of cars aren’t manual gearboxes! Add that fate had transpired my sister’s last car to be an automatic, so destiny was in my favour there…

Using tools to cope with my thoughts and feelings, I overcame my fears in finding an instructor, relying on my strengths in researching to find someone suitable and contact them. I have taken my time, not succumbing to peer pressure to rush though lessons and take a test as soon as possible, it’s not really necessary in my case so why follow other’s targets and expectations.

I recognised improvements every week and took encouragement from my instructor as he also saw them. After a few months I booked my theory test, planning my revision and using online resources to practice. I didn’t see it as a do-or-die situation, if it didn’t work out I was sure I could see what I did wrong. So, coming into an examination-style situation did not phase me and I was relatively relaxed, even when they informed me I passed!

Now the driving became a short-term priority and I was able to cope with getting my car back on the road, taxed, insured and MOT’d, acting on advice from trusted people around me. I have since been using my peer support to help me get experience driving it, preparing me for the big day of the practical test, which is now booked and just weeks away. Even now I refuse to be phased by this target, as I know if it doesn’t work out, I have no doubt that I will pass in due course.

After that, I can look forward to all the new targets I can set, using this major new strength. I doubt I will be waiting for buses in the near future…

After trying a number of organisations and my doctor to be met with a minimum of 12 weeks waiting lists. My cousin came across Impact through her volunteering with CLI. They immediately offered me a place starting the following week, lucky me 😄

I needed help!

After a life with abusive parents I sought a way out and thought I’d found that with my husband who also turned out to be abusive. I ended the relationship with my parents 5 years ago and the relationship with my husband at the end of 2018.

Around this time my relationship with my daughter broke down and my mother passed away in January 2019. I decided to make a big move to a different country in a bid to start a new life. I have suffered with poor mental health for a number of years and have had treatments and been on various courses. When I made the move my husband decided to go full speed with the control and applied for custody of our child. Then it hit me like a brick wall, overwhelmed, depression, no self-worth, anxiety, I felt like I was losing control, everything was my fault… it had to be me! I wasn’t good enough.

I knew my mental health was poor and I needed help. So I reached out to a number of organisations, so many that by the time I spoke with impact I had my story down to a tee. I was almost robotic in saying it, I had said it so many times before. Eventually, and what felt like just in time I was starting the Impact YOU programme.

My Journey on the Impact YOU Programme & YOUR Recovery Pathways

An Impact Learner In Flitwick

My self-worth and confidence were on the floor and the thoughts of sitting with a group and discussing things scared me. I was scared of being judged, put on the spot and finding out that I had brought this on myself!

I turned up despite my fears and was me with a smile and a hug and my fears started to fall away a little.
There was no judgement, no pressure, no being put on the spot. There was nothing only huge understanding, support, great people, lots of tea and biscuits and a wealth of knowledge, which I am proud to say I have taken a great deal of with me.

On the YOU Programme we learned how the brain has 3 parts when it comes to our thoughts and how one part is our worst critic, which when we have poor mental health this is the one we tend to listen to. We learned simple techniques like naming this part our chimp, to be able to distinguish it. Which was a huge moment for me because it helped me understand where all these negative thoughts were coming from and it wasn’t only me who had a chimp! There are studies to prove it’s in all of us, it’s just up to us how much we listen to it and let it affect us.

Impact were straight in there with their box of tools to help us keep our chimp within its boundaries. Simple tools such as breathing, acknowledge our chimp and looking after ourselves more. We were introduced to the Impact tool called RAMPS, which is a great and easy way to remember what kind of thing’s we should be doing every day to help our mental health… even for just a few minutes each day.

This helped me in so many different ways. I started to feel a little lighter, think a little clearer, which in turn makes everything a little easier. The huge bonus was that whilst I was learning all these new techniques I was also receiving fantastic peer support from a great group of people from all walks of life with different stories.

We shared laughs, tears, cakes😁 hugs and respect for each other. Which continued into the YOUR Recovery Pathways Programme, which was a master class in itself, but definitely did not feel like school or I’d been straight out that door!

We watched talk clips, played game’s (surprisingly good & funny 😂) did arts and crafts, had discussions and the knowledge and understanding I got was amazing.

Sometimes straight away in light bulb moments, where I was saying ‘Oh my God’ and for others it might have taken a little longer to sink in and even in a group environment there was never any pressure and everyone moved at their own pace.

We looked into our life expectations, relationships, shame with others and ourselves. Fear, personal strengths, self-nurture, visualisation, ego, mindfulness, goals and my step by step plans to help me move forward to where I want to be. Which has not only given me the confidence and strength but the passion to get to that place.

For me this was the start of my learning and me building myself up to the kick ass b***h I know I can be. I know I’m strong, I’ve got through all of this but I’m imagining what I can now become when I put that strength into positive actions in my life, instead of it getting me through the negative. I know life has ups and downs and I look forward to them because I believe I will never hit the same lows I have before…

My eyes have really been opened to things I can’t un-see and with the knowledge, tools and understanding I’ve been given by Impact and my peers I’m going to grab this beautiful life with both hands and live it to my fullest.